The Imperfect Adventure

Two days Before Departure*

This was the time when the phrase "have I got everything I need to get done accomplished?" was running theough
To begin with, Zach and I have been buying and packing up a storm. For me it's been figuring out the most perfect combination of coats and shirts and shoes to buy and bring with me. I was fortunate to have some gift card money given to me, and I planned to use it on my trip. Bought a heavy duty coat online from REI in sale. Used the rest of the money to get light walking shoes at Nordsroms. But, as this post is titled "the imperfect adventure," you can imagine what happened.

The coat was too heavy. It was too big. At extra large it was just not going to happen, and I couldn't trade it in for something smaller, so I returned it and bought a couple of layers, waterproof and warm and much lighter. The shoes were much harder. I agonized over finding size 10 1/2 to 11 walking shoes. Zach and I looked at several shoe stores, fromThe Walking Store to Sketchers for that special pair of size 11. I cried a few times, bitter tears from my past when I couldn't find something in my size that was cute. When I couldn't find something that was wide enough. I had forgotten the shame I had felt as a teenager when I tried to go shoe shopping at conventional stores.  When I finally found the perfect walking shoes from Nordstrom, well made light slip on shoes, I breathed a sigh of relief. It took me three days of slight toe aches to acknowledge that they were, infact, not perfect. And I had to let them go.

It was letting go of those shoes that forced me to accept myself as fine, and the shoes as imperfect. And to shine light onto how important I made perfection a part of this trip. How I am stuck on perfection, for myself as well, and that illusion is keeping me from seeing the worthwhile possibilities. So, instead of obsessing over shoes, I hung out with my family and my friends in Centralia.

The day before departure. I'm back in Seattle, packing my large hiking pack with what I imagine I'll need for 6 months. With imperfection in mind I dive in, my boyfriend repacking his bag for the 5th time. So far this is what I have for clothes:

Two pairs of pants
Two thick leggings
Two skirts
A long sleeve button up shirt
7 underwear (three period underwear, 4 regular)
6 pairs of socks
Two tanks with support and a jog bra
One leotard with support
One long sleeve shirt with hood
Three tanks
Two T-shirts
One pull over fleece
One lighter sweater
A warm jacket with imitation down
A waterproof jacket she'll
A fancy top
Swimming suit
Three pairs of shoes: one for hiking, one for walking, one fancy slip on
One scarf

And I think that's it. Plus electronics, my travel journal, cords, wall adapters for different countries, my money belt, some small musical instruments, and a large wrap that can be used for a blanket. A neck pillow makes its way in, getting smashed into the top of the bag.
I leave behind so much. A book to read. My tarot deck. A dress.
I plan for this to be imperfect. I try and leave space. I hope I packed a sense of humor in there.

I did pack a tshirt with an iron on emblem of travelling protection. Thank you Camille Charlier for that bit of magic!

After getting most of it packed, Zach and I bought a Resling down to Golden Gardens, and by the dark waters edge, at the edge of Summer and with the salty breath of the Pacific, we made a wish, took a sip, and gave some wine to the Earth. A floating lantern went up to excited shouts and joined the half moon.

I thought "there goes our wishes." I wished for an open heart. Here goes everything.

*another back dated post, I'm finishing something from a few days ago