48 Days till the Beginning

Wandering Ash, daydreaming

I had just finished the book Wild by Cheryl Strayed, and had begun to read Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Este's Ph. D  and I could feel the quickening of something called excitement in me. It had been a few months since I last felt that feeling, when in a moment of clarity and desire bought one way tickets to Iceland for myself and my boyfriend.

Where had that excitement been buried? Perhaps under the day to day work and mountain of preparation. I never would have imagined that my time leading up to traveling would be filled with  phone calls to my health insurance, unlocking my phone, setting travel notices, and squeezing in doctors visits. The older you get, the more untangling there needs to be done.

Perhaps keeping myself busy tying up these tiny loose ends was my way of trying to contain my fear of "Doing This Right."
And why hadn't' I traveled earlier? Because I was look
ing for the "Right Time." I was wanting to know "All the Right Information" before spending thousands of dollars on a trip.  I was waiting for enough funds to support myself. The perfect opportunity.

Which brings us back to excitement.

For those that have not had a chance to read Wild, it is a raw autobiography of a woman's journey along the Pacific Crest Trail, and how unprepared and eventually how strong she was. I see myself diving into something that I'm not sure I'm prepared for. And I'm terrified. And excited.

For 6 months, from September to February, I will be traveling to Europe with my boyfriend with a single pack loaded with all that I think I might need, and an open heart. We have quit our jobs. We will leave behind security. We will be going without a detailed itinerary, working our way through Europe. Why?

 Because we are looking for a change. A career change, a soul change. And I'm looking for my wild self.  Reading Women Who Run With the Wolves has given me words and ideas to start on that trek.

"I'll tell you right now, the doors to the world of the Wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, this is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door."
- Clarissa Pinkola Este's, Ph.D Women Who Run With the Wolves


This is a search for door on the horizon. And it is a search for stories, from other countries and strangers and newly created ones with someone I love.

So. There it is. This blog is to keep track of those months of free fall.
48 days before the beginning.

The view from my favorite chair, as I dream of traveling. Soon to have new views to share with  you all.